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He never drinks his cocoa. He makes a cup every day, in the early hours of the morning when the rest of the world, including me, is still heavily asleep (but then he never was much of a sleeper anyway) and places it the shelf above his desk or the small nightstand by the bed depending on what he plans to do for the day, but he never drinks it. Instead, he continues with his routine without even looking at it for the rest of the day. At first, I didn't dare ask him why he does it, our relationship (and joint living arrangements) still too new and raw for me to dare risk it over something like that (at least in my head;  for years, he used to tell me that I tend to overthink things, until, in the end, his constant commentary broke the habit for me).

Later, it became a habit, something peculiar about him that made him him (he had countless others as well, but they were far more annoying than this).  For years, it has been a daring mystery, a small joke to tell to my friends over coffee ; something that always made me smile when I saw it, even when we were fighting (and never once had it started a fight even though I can't even remember anymore how many it had stopped). I even got him a special cup for it at his twenty seventh birthday and he used it faithfully until our dog broke it seven years later (needless to say, I bought him a new one as soon as I could and the poor dog was sentenced to sleeping in the yard).

So it isn't really a surprise that I never learned why he did it until our first child (a daughter, with the most perfect eyes he could never say no to) became old enough to ask him the question that sat in my mind for almost ten years. He smiled, picking her up as he reached for the cup, bringing it to  her nose (she wrinkled it and he laughed) and said ’I like the smell. But the taste is too bitter.’
Don't ask. Literary. Don't ask. I wouldn't know what to tell you. One minute I'm nursing the cup of cocoa (the one you make without milk, in water, and is really bitter if you don't add sugar to it) and the next thing I know I'm reaching for the computer, and this comes out. And I don't really know why. Or where from, since I have zero to none love experience. Like, seriously, wtf brain? 

Still had to post it though, since it's the first thing I wrote that was longer than ten sentences and actually made sense in... I don't really know how long. But seriously. I don't. Like I don't know where this came from. So don't ask. In fact, it's better if you tell me things. Maybe you can understand it better than I do. 
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:iconamericanlass:
AmericanLass Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014
Hello! :wave: I left a critique on another piece of yours a few minutes ago and I was curious about more of your writing so I happened upon this. I must say, I quite like this piece! I think you've really captured the essence of two very real people and I quite love how easily you've described them and the kinds of people they are without overdoing it. The first sentence, to me, is an attention grabber because it's short, concise, and unusual. I usually don't much like the use of parentheses in a story but in this case I feel like it envelops the inner dialogue of the person- like the little trains of thought that temporarily branch out from the main line.

The last sentence is just slightly oddly written due to the tenses (maybe that's just me :shrug:) but I would change it to: He smiled, picking her up as he reached for the cup and brought it to her nose (she wrinkled it and he laughed), saying "I like the smell. But the taste is too bitter." Obviously it's up to you, but that's my suggestion. Your use of commas is nicely done, however I would try to make a few of your sentences shorter. With the inclusion of parentheses it almost seems like each of your paragraphs is no more than 1-2 sentences.

My favorite thing about this piece is the fact that the man's reasoning is so simple and somehow child-like. I really love that, and ending the story with that was perfect. I personally think that those surprise ideas people get, that random inspiration that comes out of nowhere, is the best kind if you want good results. This whole idea is so simple and plain but you made it a lovely, sweet little story. You didn't bog the reader down with detail so you could raise the word count and you keep everything clean cut and fresh. You use words in an artistic way so you can set the scene rather than simply listing things off within the scene. You have a beautiful piece of writing here :)
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hello again :D Thank you for looking through the rest of my writing and sorry for not responding earlier, I have been busy for the most of the last day and a half, or so. And thank you for leaving another well thought comment. :D I'm glad you liked it, though I must admit this is not one of my personal favourites, though a few people really seem to like it. Most-no, all of the things you listed, I didn't even want to achieve, considering that I actually didn't want to achieve anything with this, I just wrote it out as an almost random string of words, and it is not what I usually write, or even what I usually want to write, so, yeah, I tend to forget about the fact that I posted it at all xD Still, very glad that you liked it, and thank you for your words :) 

P.S I usually don't like using parentheses either, seeing as I just don't think they fit in any kind of story....except here. Here, it just didn't want to be written without them xD 
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:iconamericanlass:
AmericanLass Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014
That's okay, don't worry about it :)
Well in that case, better yet! If your aim wasn't to achieve anything but it's this good then I'd think it's even better :D
It does work very well with the parentheses I think, it's also a bit creative since most stories don't have them, rightly so as we both seem to agree :P
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I guess it's because that this isn't a regular kind of story, at least in my mind, that the parentheses work so well. Also, I agree it is better when you achieve something when you don't want to achieve anything, but I would still like it better if I managed to do that in some of my other works as well rather than just this short bit :P 
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:iconamericanlass:
AmericanLass Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014
You will! Just keep at it :)
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:iconserenitystars:
SerenityStars Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is beautifully written, I really enjoyed reading this. Perfect introduction, perfect closure. It all fits just so perfectly it seems unreal. Very sweet poem, just like cocoa (of course, with milk and sugar)!
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, sweat isn't usually my thing so I'm overwhelmed to hear that you like it so much :D And cocoa with milk and sugar is heaven xD 
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:iconlight-dusk:
Light-Dusk Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2014
Oh my gosh this is so sweet!!!!!
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, it was supposed to be sweet :D 
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:iconlight-dusk:
Light-Dusk Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014
May I draw a picture of the scene?
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Of course! That would be amazing! I... I'm kind of speechless xD It would be amazing if you made a picture of it...
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:iconlight-dusk:
Light-Dusk Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014
Well... just the cocoa sitting on a shelf... I don't think it'd be that amazing...
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
For me, it would be, simply because somebody wants to do it :) 
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:iconkyoumah:
KyoumaH Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
I really love this. This is a story that was really well done 
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I'm glad you like it :D 
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:iconkyoumah:
KyoumaH Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
No problem, thank you for the badge!
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :D 
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:iconasterlia:
Asterlia Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Student General Artist
This is wonderfully written. It's simple, yet the characters are surprisingly in depth for such a short piece, and the ending actually surprised me. I thought he would have this really complicated intellectual reason for never drinking the coffee. :D
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, I really think that there is no complicated intellectual reason for that. It's just a quirk. xD 

You're actually a second person to comment on the depth of the characters, and yet again I must admit that it was the spur of the moment thing, and that I put no conscious thought behind it :D I wasn't trying to make them anything, it just turned out that way, which is great, isn't it? :) 

All in all, thank you for both commenting and faving this short piece :D
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:iconasterlia:
Asterlia Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome! :hug:
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: 
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:iconbornwiththesun:
BornWithTheSun Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like how in the end, his reason for having it but never drinking it is so simple. :) I enjoyed the read, thanks!
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, I guess ^_^ Thank you for commenting :D

And yes, the simplicity of the answer was kind of what you could call a point :D 
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:iconbornwiththesun:
BornWithTheSun Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
And thank you for the llama :)

Haha, yeah, I think we've all way overthought something like the wife did before. It's always a little bit refreshing and a little bit annoying when you figure out the answer. :)
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
For me, it is always refreshing, because it puts my mind to rest. Although I imagine it could be annoying if the answer doesn't live up to your expectations. And you're welcome :D 
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:iconbornwiththesun:
BornWithTheSun Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I get frustrated because it's annoying that I take so long to come up with such simple answers. But it's always better than the answer being more complicated than I originally thought! :)
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That is frustrating. I hate that as well. And isn't it easier when the answer is complicated? Then it isn't your fault for not understanding it :P
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:iconbornwiththesun:
BornWithTheSun Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Complicated answers are easier in the way that you aren't dumb for not understanding. They're harder in the way that then you have to try and actually understand, hahaha. :)
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's true xD 
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:icondaybreaksmiles:
daybreaksmiles Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I think the best thing about this piece is the voice. The way you portray the wife, with not a single description about her besides her thoughts, is very impressive. In a relatively short space you have created two very real, fairly fleshed-out, and incredibly interesting characters. And while describing characters reactions to events is a common way of presenting their little life-stories, I've never seen characters of such depth brought out by such a small event as cocoa. 

Two little picky things that caught my eye though - you call the coca placement a 'daring misery' and I wonder if your word processor auto-corrected what was meant to be 'daring mystery'? And in the last paragraph you say "never learned why he done it" which should be "he'd done it" or "he did it" (the first one if the cocoa behavior no longer occurs in the present, and the second if he still makes cocoa and doesn't drink it)

Besides that, however, this piece is very strong. And I find your use of commas and parentheses to simulate a natural thought process endearing and quite effective. 
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad somebody seems to have understood this better than me. I don't mean to be the person that constantly complains about her own writing, but sometimes, I really don't understand myself.

However, I will for no ignore that fact and am thus crossing it out. 

In response to your comment, I'm incredibly honoured to hear you compliment the voice, because, while this was a very spur-of-the moment kind of piece, I did edit it a bit later in order to make the narrator as lively and real as possible. Thus it is great to hear that somebody thinks I did that good :D 

As far as the depth of the characters goes, that part was a complete spur of the moment, and no conscious thought was put behind it, which is probably for the best. It probably came from this feeling that I got at that moment, of peace, and tranquility, and I the way to express that was through this, a short piece of ordinary life, and that probably came from my own personal love for the romantic stories like that, where characters simply enjoy each other's company and are connected on some deeper level, as well as the fact that I have been reading quite a few of them in the last two or three days due to the sudden urge for romance. The cocoa was just the real present thing that sparked it all.

The misery part I totally blame on Word. Or Google's autocorrect xD I don't care which. The done it part is unfortunately my fault, as my grammar knowledge still has a few glitches that it really shouldn't have. 

And the way I use commas and brackets (I actually had to check parentheses *shame*) comes partly from the fact that I also like poetry, so I'm used to using commas to indicate the way in which I imagined the text is supposed to be read out loud, partly from the fact that I have this voice in my head that dictates that way, and partly from the fact that this character is simply like that. She's supposed to be lively person, full of thoughts, and the text in brackets is her side comments to herself, or here, the reader, little (funny) details, things like that. Something to give her voice, indicate that perhaps she speaks fast, loses her train of thought quickly, and backtracks a lot to comment on herself :D Things like that :D 
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:icondaybreaksmiles:
daybreaksmiles Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Well, everything you aimed for (and perhaps more) came across in your writing. Really, beautifully done. :clap:
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much Blush 
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:iconsupach:
Supach Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so sweet, it has a wonderful intimacy. Simply beautiful :clap:
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :D 
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:iconsupach:
Supach Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You´re welcome :D
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
^_^
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:iconxxflamefrost101xx:
XxFlameFrost101xX Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is wonderful! 
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I'm glad you like it enough to fav! :) 
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:iconxxflamefrost101xx:
XxFlameFrost101xX Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
XD you're welcome! I really do, its a lovely touching story
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I guess it is. I just don't know how I managed to write it, it isn't my usual type of story. xD 
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:iconxxflamefrost101xx:
XxFlameFrost101xX Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, im very glad you did write it ^_^
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:iconclockwisedream:
ClockwiseDream Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Me too, I guess xD 
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:iconxxflamefrost101xx:
XxFlameFrost101xX Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
;w;
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